The Question UPDATE

Our conversation: 

Sana po hindi ka ma-offend or ano man.  Pero yan talaga in all honesty ang naiisip ko...

So, what do you want me to feel then? Happy? Delighted?  Relieved because I will bear no responsibility?

Kung ikaw yung tinanong ni Papa, what would you say? How would you feel? Ano bang naiisip mo ngayon?

I can't think clearly after reading that.

Me either.  You're bothered?

Definitely!

Yun nga...

… and disappointed

I know. But let us face this together. Okay?

I dont know what to say to you. I’m sorry I really don’t.

Let us think this over. Okay?  Wag ka pong pangunahan ng inis. We can get through this...

Di ako naiinis. I’m disappointed. I’m not mad. It’s  your opinion and it is your life, in the first place.  You are free to do anything you want with it.

Hindi kita naiintindihan. Which part were you offended? That I have no plan (for us)? That I don't want to marry YET? That I don't trust you can pull off a good life for US?

I know what I will tell him. And I will tell him my plans… your reaction, obviously hysterical, isn't something I expected from you. If I were asked by my father...  I will open what my heart feels.. and what's in my mind… In your case... you told him is what you really feel and [what] you really think… Instead of beating around the bush… I will answer yes, I do. I have a plan to marry her. To be honest, I don't have any idea of being with a different girl in my life. When? I would probably say soon. Of course, we need to talk about it before I tell the date.

Now, the most compelling question is probably, do you really want to have a family with me?

After all the thinking and probably reading along the lines, I am afraid to admit, that you probably feel like not wanting to go through the process of labouring. I understand the feeling. It’s too taxing, too delicate, too painful, too troublesome all in all.

Imagine, think about what you just said:  you want to study more, get a better job in an ideal work place. What's next? Get a nice house, a car, probably put up a business… which I’m estimating could take YEAAAAARS... like when you are in 30s and I am in 40s? Not putting the US in YOUR plans is simply saying not putting YOURSELF in US.

This is what I fear... you're misreading me. Like you, I'm not seeing myself with anybody else, ikaw lang.  My main (actually ONLY) concern is the time. I'd been stressing I'm not ready YET. Not YET. Not never.

30? 40? 50? 60? Probably, the day before we die?

I don't know. But can we just first live NOW and not think about it yet? Let us allow life to flow and pray hard for the right time and everything will set into its own places. Yun lang naman po. I just don’t want any pressure sa ating dalawa. I want us to seize what we have. Yun lang po. Yun lang muna. And everything will flow fluidly at the right time. We would know when we're ready. All we have to do is trust.

I don’t know. It seems you have things under control.

Not that. Nagdarasal lang ako.  I don't have any control. It’s [in] God's. I'm praying to Him. For US. Hayaan lang natin Siya. Please trust me and more importantly trust Him. I'm not trying to be oddly religious. Pero wala naman tayong aasahan na iba. Dasal lang at konting kapit pa, Mahal. Yun lang po. Ano pa bang hahanapin natin sa pagsasama natin? Nagagawa natin gusto natin. Nagkakasama tayo kahit kelan, kahit saan natin gustuhin. Okay naman tayong ganito. Why take the risk? Why gamble? Why not wait?

Opinyon mo yan. Wala akong magagawa. If its a risk, if its a gamble, so be it.

Please don't keep me feeling this way at this time of distress; when things are supposed to be being resolved with us together. Feeling ko iniiwan mo ko sa ere.

Feeling ko you are deciding on your own.

Last message received on 6/14 at 11:05 AM