Bouyancy

Amid darkness peeps the light.
Life is Good, all the time.

Always believe that life is good.

Never mind that you get up from bed at 2 am

Nor your make up thickens from dusty breeze onboard a speeding bus bounding for work.

Life is good even if you come in late and have to put on make up while strutting your way to your office’s building.

It is still good even if your lipstick smudges

when an ‘as-much-in-a-hurry-girl’ next to you bump you on the shoulder.

Think that life is good.

Never mind at all that you have to walk the dungeon-like allies alone every weekday dawn.

Who else gets to see the street lights before they turn off anyway?

Or who gets to pass by roads and witness men’s exhibition of their creativity to make a urine catcher out of street walls?

Not everyone has work to attend to daily.

Not everyone have the mid and end of the months to receive more than pennies.

Not everyone. Not all --- At least not the same as yours.

Believe that life is good.  It has always been, and always is.

01.23.12

The Dark Night

It was a dark and frightful minute of existence

facing upfront me was a monster once disguised as angel

He gave me a sour smile and a piercing glance

His unyielding arms wrapped around me intensely 

So intensely that my blood stopped to rush 

so intensely that it weakened me 

My body trembled; He didn't mind.

I lifted my face trying to grasp a breath to life;

I tried to see the light.

I resisted. 

I strongly resisted but his persistence surfaced.  

He held me back; He nabbed me 

The monster didn't want to free me.

Sadness then shed; it shed so immensely. It didn't stop.

Until the sadness dropped onto the monster's hands; he melted. 

The monster’s hands melted.

He ran away melting; escaping to the wilderness --- 

to the wilderness of silence

to the wilderness of darkness 

to the wilderness of remorse for self endowment

*08/30/11

Morning Sunshine

I feel so cool, so light,  so glad 

I just spent part of the night with my only love. 

We sealed it with kisses and warm embrace. 

I slept on my bed with smile on my face. 

I feel so fine,  so lovely, and free

He treated me nicely and adored me really

He was tender and gentle --- really better. 

It was no 'humid' night but there was warmth

Sincere, gentle and pure; that's how we were

and how he was

I felt so secure, i felt so sure 

I felt the love even more

This morning i woke up and i just know, 

-- indeed it was a good night really, even after all. 

*01/29/11

The Plan

I.

I’m cooking a plot now. I’m not going home tonight.

Problems are: I don’t know where I’m staying. I have work tomorrow and I didn’t bring anything except my laptop and some pennies.

Yesterday, I (intentionally) broke my father’s sim cards after reading some random messages from girls who I think are cheap and stupid.  He asked me if I did it, I said no. I asked him to have dinner, he just yelled back at me.He was so pissed, I was too.  To my rage, I threw his phone against the wall, it crashed.

He has no way to contact those whores anymore. Neither would he have any way to contact any of his so-called “friends” again.

I do not want him to text them nor any other girl for that matter.

This morning I woke up at 1 am.I was thinking of leaving home around 2 am without him taking me to the terminal.

Damn, I could not. And I was not able to.

II.

I texted my ex-boyfriend last night; we’re friends, romantic friends actually.We had a fight the night before, but I thought everything was still alright.

I told him I’m leaving today and I’m not going home.

He tried to ask what was the problem or where am I staying.

I just said I don’t know. Bahala na. But I wanted to see him and fetch me the morning before I would come to office and not go home, to be consoled perhaps?

I asked him if I could meet him around 4 am or earlier. To my demise, he replied to me saying sorry he’s not in love (with me) anymore. ‘Ingat ka kung saan ka man pupunta’. That’s all he said (at least it’s the last phrase I could recall).

F**k. Where’d that come from huh?!?

Flashback.

He was on his way home from office and we’re “baby talking” over the phone (like we usually do when no one is around).Suddenly, he sounded differently. So manly; “so macho” I told him, and I laughed it off (as I always do).

He got annoyed. He asked roughly: “Natutuwa ka sa ginagawa mo?”

I said: “Huh? Inaano kita?” then the rest is history.

I hung up. He called again, maybe just so he could be the one to hang up on me this time.

We didn’t talk after then, until I texted him the said message last night.

Back to my plan. 

Because no one would be fetching me, I could not leave as early as 2am.  I only got up from bed by then.I did the same routine. But this time, I was planning.

Things to bring checklist:

* shampoo

* conditioner

* body wash

* toothbrush (well I can buy this, just anywhere)

* Money? (I have more than P2,500 in my wallet . Sheesh, my sister has my atm card)
* Clothes (There are cheapies in nearby tiangge, even undies)

Plan: I would pack my things and leave home quietly without waking up my father or anyone else at home. 

Destination: Undetermined. My mind is just roving around my main plan: I will not go home tonight.  As to where I will stay, I don’t know.

3:30 AM. Plan doomed.

Papa got up, freshened up and without saying a word; he was already at the gate waiting for me.

Sheeeesh. Ok, he’d to take me to the terminal. My checklist was doomed too.I was not able to replace my bag, I was not able to pack my supplies. Sheeesh again.

There I was: in that awkward moment --- walking side by side Papa without even throwing a glance.One, because I’m guilty for breaking his sim cards and crashing his phone and two, just so he would feel I’m mad. Literally.

11:00 AM. Now.

I’m at the office thinking… 

All I know is, I’m not going home. It’s planned.

Except that I didn’t bring anything except my laptop and some pennies and I don’t know where I’m staying right after.