30 and Getting Marry

Can anybody explain to me why ladies nearing thirties are pressured to get married?

I mean, BAKET????

I understand the medical reasoning for this but what I don’t understand are the things they are willing to neglect just in order to not be ridiculed for being part of this legion of ladies dubbed as single women at thirties, the late travellers and the likes’

Just this morning my sister told us, weeping, she’s getting married. She’s 29.

My brother asked why and she simply said; ‘Siyempre, ano namang gusto mong gawin ko?’ What I understand from those words is the implied message saying: I’m almost thirty, I need to marry, people say girls at this age are supposed to.

Alright, I get that point.

Kuya then asked: May naipon na ba kayo?

She answered in loath: Meron naman.

Meaning, wala.

Ok, that point I don’t understand now. And for god’s sake, what are those tears for?!?

Try telling me those were because she’s happy, mananapak ako!

I mean, those were not tears of joy; fear, sadness or dread maybe? I’m not sure! She didn’t’ tell us. But I’m certain, that’s not the look of a weeping happy-bride-to-be. That again, I cannot understand.

Isn’t it that you are supposed to be very happy when you’re to marry?

I came home late the night before that morning. I found them, ate and his boyfriend with Papa at the dining. The house was quiet. Except from the television turned on. I didn’t know anything yet. I glanced at her boyfriend; that look, he didn’t look like a happy groom-to-be either who just got his future father-in-law’s approval to marry his kid.

So, ano ito? May kasalang magaganap where neither the groom nor the bride is happy? I mean, BAKET???

 

Going back to the point that they have not saved anything yet for this marriage thing, I think it’s foolish and inconsiderate. Ok, marriage is not about money. It’s about this cliché thought of being one with the person you love and spending the rest of your lives together. Ok, I submit to that no matter how cheesy it may sound. But then, I still maintain, it is foolish.

I’m not against them marrying and forming their own family. They are both at the right age. I’m against them marrying when they are still not prepared not just financially but emotionally and spiritually maybe. I’m against them marrying out of pressure from society because of being at thirty.

Is one celebration of Christmas and New Year or Valentine’s Day together enough to say you’re good to marry? They were couple for just a year now. Should that be enough?

THAT guy, her boyfriend, we only knew him for like few months, seen him in some occasions, spoke to him for some time, but should that be enough for us to know he deserves to be part of our family? We may not be the ones marrying him, but hey, we’re taking him automatically, as a family member! Should that one year be enough?

And that thought of being single at thirty and needing to marry thing? I would like to blame the society for this arbitrated doctrine that even my sister is seemingly forced to follow. But any fish will not bite the bait if it still has some other place where it can feed. My sister is living a relatively comfortable life that she needs. We’re a regular family with not much problems at hand (I think). Relatively, we’re happy. Why choose to swim into a rumbling sea when you can stay at a stable pond? I ask again, BAKET???

You may slam me with this blinded and moronic principle of romantic relationship that true love will endure all pain. Alright, so you’ll vow at the altar with the thought in mind that ‘on that day forward you will share a life for poorer and for poorer’ as that’s what you should expect it to be since you didn’t wait and think carefully when you decided to marry? Seriously???

Can’t you be fair enough with your future kids to just at least prepare for the lives you could give them? This is not just about you. This is about those poor kids who will suffer from hastened and clearly thoughtless decision you would make out of minding the pressure this society has brought you. Neither this society will give a damn look if your children grew up part of societal nuisance because they were brought up by morally and spiritually unprepared parents. In the end, when you have complied with this dogma, this society which expectation you had wanted to meet wouldn’t care if you are struggling, bleeding heads and hands just to make ends meet for your family.

So think. You are thirty or turning to be one probably, and you think now you should marry. BAKET???

‘One can study all sides of an issue and come up with a rhetorical gun blazing’

- Richard Marius

February 25, 2012

1.45 PM

The Freak Out

My  man just told me he’s to watch a movie after his work tonight.

He’s watching a movie when he don’t usually have enough energy to talk to me over the phone.

He’s watching a movie when he has been complaining how exhausted he is after work. 

He’s watching a movie when he had started our day (still) complaining how busy he is.

He’s watching a movie when it has been a year when he had asked me to watch one.

He’s watching a movie when the last time he asked me to it, he was not actually able to made it.

Worse, he’s watching a movie ALONE without even asking if I want to come along.

Even worst, he’s watching a movie, given all the instances I have just mentioned and he had the darn guts to tell me so!

Let my rage be not mistaken that it’s because of him not taking me out to movie. It’s not as petty as it seems (at least on my part). It’s the thought of him telling me about it when he should rather have not if he’s considerate enough. 

I made him know I’m pissed, he laughed it off. He deterred by asking me out ---- and hey, the good news is, for a movie date!

Just so he thought it’s the best escape route. Just so he thought this obliged, forced and attempt-to-bribe you invitation would console me. Hell No! It just infused my rage even more.

So he thinks that’s all? That, that’s what pissed me off? That, that’s what made me feel he’s really inconsiderate? It’s far more than that. It has rooted from this year long attempt at a not-in-a-relationship but romantically-affiliated status that we have.   

It’s not about the movie. It’s not about me.

It’s about him not even considering to find and spend quality time with me, but only for himself alone. And it’s about the series of these instances that came in irony with this movie thing he brought up that really freaks the hell out of me.   

* As I finished this entry, he was calling (to apologize perhaps? Or maybe to just ask what am I pissed about). 

  

February 23, 2012, 07:26 PM

A Five-minute infuse

Mediocrity, the one word that describes me

I’m Ms. A Little Bit of Everything.

I can write a little. Speak a little. Sing a little. Draw a little. Even joke a little.

With my little amount of everything, I’m facing difficulty in doing a particular something where I will not just do good, but best.

It sucks being a mediocre. It really does.

Kill me now and no one will remember what I do because I simply do nothing.

Not that I don’t want to do anything but, there’s just nothing that I can do best.

I’m not rich but I’m not poor.

I don’t have everything but I still have something.

I want to be someone else just as much as I’m pretty sure there’s someone else out there who wants to be me.

I’m little Ms. Insecurity.

I see not much good in me unless other people tell it to me.

They say the jack of all trades is the master of none. I definitely, is a master of none, yet I don’t have all trades.

I’m a little bit pretty and a little bit nice.

I can easily get ugly, I easily get mad.

I base my self-conception on other’s opinion or worse, in comparison with other people.

My standard is classified around words: more or less. I’m more of these and less like that and all sorts that go near that.

These classifications put me to thinking: am I really me or just somebody I believe to be me based on what others think of me?

These crises I’d been suffering from since I realized that I’m nothing.

My nothingness pains me. I cannot define myself on my own opinion. 

I cannot even tell what I do. I easily get influenced.

I’m a glass of water three fourths empty. Pour something into me and I’ll be filled. Turn me downward, I get even emptier.Bash me up and I break into pieces, go back to my nothingness and be in my most empty state.  

This is me. Three fourths empty. No self-identity. The epitome of the word mediocrity.

Five minute rant out.

8.37 PM At the doorsteps right next to laundry.

Feb 19, 2012