Lesson 101: Patience

I am broke. I might not be able to enroll for a Master’s degree this semester. This, when I have long prepared and planned for it. The worst part, it is because of some “completely human failures.”

I understand that the School I intend to apply to could not accept my application since I lack some necessary documents. But it pains me knowing that this, for one, is not my fault.

It is not my fault that my name in my birth certificate was ridiculously written.  That for me to correct it —minus the excruciating processes and all other vexatious activities that go with it — three months would be needed.

I had to prove to each and every concerned office how my name should be spelt and what my Maiden should really be. I fell in lines. I came back to government offices then and again; facing the snarky clerks who seem to have been deprived of life’s happiness that they already forgot to smile or just even look at me in the eyes as they speak.  I waited for their long merienda breaks only to be told that I have to, AGAIN, come back the following days. I was nagged about not showing up as early as they demanded me because I have work to attend to. And time? He’s not on my side.  My petition will be over by June. My application should be up in May. April ends today. Alas for me.

It is not my fault that because my petition is still pending, neither my official school records, which I need for application, would be released. I tried to haggle whether I can push through with it granting that I will submit the gem-like piece of paper just before the classes officially start, but I failed.

I can’t understand why a simple human mistake could affect my dream and plans. And how could some piece of paper doom my future and defer my progress.

I am itching to learn anew, to discover more knowledge and widen my mind’s horizon. To be with intellectual people who could share to me their wisdom and their thoughts.   I want to get back to the ground where I thought I am most at my best. But this damage deems me to wait.

So, let the itch irritate until it wounds and bleeds. Let me stretch myself to learn even outside the four corners of a room. Let the first knowledge for me to practice be the principles of patience and acceptance. That there are some things, no matter how badly I want it, cannot be given unto me, at least not at the time i wanted it but at the time He plans for me to. Let the thoughts of those around me be a source of wisdom. Let everyday be my ground, and me always at my best.

I need no classroom to learn. Even this event chained from a simple error could be a learning process – not for my mind but for my heart and spirit.

Lesson 101: When human failures fail you, faith in God will lift you.

Waiting isn’t bad at all, God maybe just telling me that he’s still preparing my future and molding me better. I should not rely on my plan but on God’s and everything will be settled more than I would ever wanted it ---  for He is the best Teacher and He will never fail me.

“God said patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.”

05.01.12

American Idol and the Filipino Culture of Hitchhiking

In AI she’s only known as Jessica Sanchez from San Diego. In Philippines, she’s Jessica the Filipina --- born out of a pure Filipina mother and half Mexican father, with emphasis on her pure Filipina mother, additional emphasis on her being only ¼ Mexicana and ½ Filipina.

Some called the show racist others said they will no longer follow AI if Sanchez will be gone. This, they said because she represents the talent of a Filipino and she is a Filipino pride. To which I asked, did the Philippines in any way helped her got into the show to say that it is part of her victory or to claim her as its pride?  

Here goes the national habit of Filipino hitchhiking --- the habit of clinging into someone or something popular to and recognized by international folks. This when in fact, the likes of Sanchez --- their capabilities, being and existence --- hardly even get noticed in the country because they are obscured by the highly overrated pretty faces who can do nothing but shake their asses in front of the people and make money out of the poor that worship them for falling short of melanin and having well-bleached skin, crystalline smiles and close to ten inches waists.

Charice Pempengo once suffered from this culture when she was outshined by a Disney kid-looking lad Sam Concepcion in a local singing competition--- where she sang similar songs that she performed in Ellen’s and Oprah’s and gained standing ovations. Thanks to Youtube she is now dubbed as an “international singing sensation” also admired by locals even if she only ranked third to a well-off and good looking boy because of selfsame viewers’ text votes.     

In 2011, the Philippine dragon Boat team had to paddle their way to join the world championships in US. They had to beg support from private persons in order to join the competition and carry the Philippine flag, when the Philippine Sports Commission was renouncing them as the national team to represent the country at the SEA Games.  After the competition, they brought home 5 gold and 2 silver medals from 7 different events and a new world record. In a snap, they became celebrities. Suddenly, they we’re acclaimed heroes.  The whole country glorified their being Filipinos.   Congratulatory remarks flooded them from numerous politicians and other individuals who did not give a damn when they we’re still training in Pasig river --- breathing its stench and boodling on Sardines for viand at the riverside. The whole country was calling them as its athletes; rejoicing. Before this victory, they had no follower compare to the dashing members of a football team who lost their matches at the home field surrounded by legions of lady fanatics.    

With our culture of severe inclination to international recognition but poor support mechanism for locally available resources, what gives the country right to take recognition of these individuals’ triumphs and fruits of blood and sweat? Would you be serious for saying that it’s only because they are Filipinos in blood?

Would Jessica Sanchez be as much recognized in the country being the simple, petit and dark-skinned girl that she is? By the way, where have Jonalyn Viray and Bituin Escalante gone? Did they had solo concerts at the big dome just as Anne Curtis had? With our too much fascination with superficial attributes, would Sanchez be still exalted for her being Filipina? 

'just a thought'

- Wind 

tired

I am tired

… of walking alone

… of waiting you home

I am tired hoping for you to remember me on your own.

I am sad

… to think that again, lies have been told.

… to feel that promises were broken.

I am sad to feel this loathsome.

I am hurt

…  because things did not unfold as it should.

…  because people did not stay as they have opted to.

I am hurt that time was never thought as essential as it should have.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others,

even to the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. 

- Max Ehrmann