You know the truth, you just refuse
to accept it. You willingly let yourself down…You leave with the same feeling
you last went over there with… defeat. But, hey, at least you’re not as naïve
as you once were, holding on to the idea of the night with the slightest bit of
hope that this time would be different.
This time he will realize he loves
you and finally stop hurting you.
But alas, there’s that nagging pit
in your stomach again. The twitch in your heart as you recall the callousness
in his words as he shut you out of his life.
We keep telling ourselves he’s
worth it — that this is what love is. Love is messy and complicated and full of
heartbreak. Love is dramatic and unfulfilling. We tell ourselves we’re slaves
to our hearts — not to him.
We all have this one person. The one who
treated us like shit and we couldn’t get enough.
You’ll inflict it on yourself time
and time again. You tell yourself it’s worth it, that this is what it feels
like to be in love.
You keep your phone on just for
him, every ring, every vibration, sends your heart up through your throat. But
it’s never him and definitely never anything you wanted to hear.
His slow responses, his
non-response, his unanswered questions are just sad monuments to your defeat.
He never feels the need to make
excuses…He never tells you why he didn’t call, so you tell yourself. He’s busy,
he’s tired, he has a lot of things in mind. You’re his apology, his forgiveness
and his makeup sex. Only he’s just experiencing the sex.
You still think about him every
day. You can’t open your eyes without letting your mind wander to your time
together — his affection, his words.
He’s the one who ruined your entire
world with one text, but you still wait by the phone, wondering if he will call
after this is all over.
An Excerpt from Elite Daily
02.20.2015
At healing point.
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