I am broke. I might not be able to enroll for a Master’s degree
this semester. This, when I have long prepared and planned for it. The worst
part, it is because of some “completely human failures.”
I understand that the School I intend to apply to could not
accept my application since I lack some necessary documents. But it pains me
knowing that this, for one, is not my fault.
It is not my fault that my name in my birth certificate was
ridiculously written. That for me to
correct it —minus the excruciating processes and all other vexatious activities
that go with it — three months would be needed.
I had to prove to each and every concerned office how my
name should be spelt and what my Maiden should really be. I fell in lines. I
came back to government offices then and again; facing the snarky clerks who
seem to have been deprived of life’s happiness that they already forgot to
smile or just even look at me in the eyes as they speak. I waited for their long merienda breaks only
to be told that I have to, AGAIN, come back the following days. I was nagged
about not showing up as early as they demanded me because I have work to attend
to. And time? He’s not on my side. My
petition will be over by June. My application should be up in May. April ends
today. Alas for me.
It is not my fault that because my petition is still
pending, neither my official school records, which I need for application,
would be released. I tried to haggle whether I can push through with it
granting that I will submit the gem-like piece of paper just before the classes
officially start, but I failed.
I can’t understand why a simple human mistake could affect
my dream and plans. And how could some piece of paper doom my future and defer
my progress.
I am itching to learn anew, to discover more knowledge and
widen my mind’s horizon. To be with intellectual people who could share to me
their wisdom and their thoughts. I want
to get back to the ground where I thought I am most at my best. But this damage
deems me to wait.
So, let the itch irritate until it wounds and bleeds. Let me
stretch myself to learn even outside the four corners of a room. Let the first
knowledge for me to practice be the principles of patience and acceptance. That
there are some things, no matter how badly I want it, cannot be given unto me,
at least not at the time i wanted it but at the time He plans for me to. Let
the thoughts of those around me be a source of wisdom. Let everyday be my
ground, and me always at my best.
I need no classroom to learn. Even this event chained from a
simple error could be a learning process – not for my mind but for my
heart and spirit.
Lesson 101: When human failures fail you, faith in God will
lift you.
Waiting isn’t bad at all, God maybe just telling me that
he’s still preparing my future and molding me better. I should not rely on my
plan but on God’s and everything will be settled more than I would ever wanted
it --- for He is the best Teacher and He
will never fail me.
“God said patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't
granted, it is learned.”
05.01.12
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